Collision! When anonymous people meet..

In pro-cycling, the pre-Tour de France races are wrapping up, and the world on two-wheels waits with baited breath for the grandest race of the year.

Here in Seattle, we wait anxiously for the return of the sun, to our woeful and misting skies, like Punxsatawny Phil to some mound of dirt in Pennsylvania. That being the case, we formally invited the annual return of our celestial friend, with the Fremont Solstice Parade. At this event every year, the 'Sun' rides into town on the final float of the march, and is welcomed as joyfully as Santa Claus.

While I attended the parade, I could not stay for the arrival of the Sun. (In truth, the actual sun didn't even bother to stop by--It's so rude to us sometimes.) As a fan of BikeSnobNYC's blog for as long as I have been, I could not allow myself to miss a rather limited opportunity to meet him in person, during the promotional tour for his new book.

With the help of my Gruber Assist, I was able to make it to Snob's event in time to get a seat. Indeed, I got there just minutes before Snob entered the room to set up the presentation. I confess, the only reason I was able to get a seat, at the time that I did, is because of the unwritten dude rule. (I don't pretend to know many of the unwritten dude rules, but I am familiar with the one of not sitting next to another dude, whenever possible.) Additionally, neither of the dudes on either side of the empty seat seemed offended when I asked if I could sit between them. Whew. As I sat down, I noticed both were reading, "Bike Snob", and were on about Chapter 3.

New fans. Way to go, Snob!

Knowing that I would want to document this event to the best of my abilities (as I had at the Solstice parade, more on that later,) I whipped out my camera and started snapping some shots. While some of the images that I've posted here previously, are some of my better works, I confess that the majority of the photos I take are bested by those of most twelve year olds. That said, I was hoping I might be able to get some video of the event, but it was apparent right away that, that was not going to happen.

Snob took to the podium. By the way, it was nice to see Snob getting to take his own podium. As much as I enjoy the podium-races on his blog, it was good to see him 'own it' for once. Unfortunately, my view of the lecturn was terrible, though I had a decent view of the slideshow. I didn't mind; it just meant that I put down my camera faster. I think I was the only one taking pictures anyway.

It was clear from the saltiness of the room, that the majority of the audience, if not all, were members of Seattle's Bike Community in some fashion. I don't know if it's the nature of the sport, or of the other cyclists with whom I hang out, but I didn't recognize anyone in the room. I attributed that to the fact that maybe they were just out of their lycra today (like I was--I do have a Gruber Assist, after all,) or maybe Seattle's bike community has just grown that much in recent years. Awesome. Since, I was there in my Anonymous Blogger capacity, I was grateful for getting to stay anonymized.

After the slideshow, which has been discussed in other blogs, (UPDATE: found the link I was thinking of,) Snob opened the floor for questions. I had to think for a moment. He said we could ask him anything. What would I ask? Then I realized, everything that I've ever wanted to know about Snob's blog, I've already read in Snob's blog.

But there is an area of cycling that I wanted know more about. With all the discussion of fixed gear bikes in New York City, is there a velodrome, or were track bikes sent into a state of homelessness during the Reagan era or something? If so, I want to applaud the New York hipsters in their efforts to rescue these down-trodden bikes, and elevate them to an art-like status in which they can feel proud. I asked, and he educated us that there is one, in Queens. Oh. So New York fixie culture, really is kinda silly. Got it.

After a series of questions that showed how distant Seattle's bike culture is from that of New York (someone had to ask what a 'Fred' was--not all of us in this town are that unknowledgable, but I digress,) we were directed to form a line for the book-signing. Seattle-ites love waiting in line.

When I finally reached Snob, he was well into book-signing mode. It seems he's rather practiced at this by now. He glanced up and saw that some other douchebag wanted him to scribble in the book he wrote. He said, "So who am I making this out to?"

"Salty."

He paused, looked at the tag, and looked up.

What does one Anonymous Blogger say to another?

"Will you sign my Kindle? Would you?"

He did. Now my Kindle has been owned by Salty Seattle, and signed by BikeSnobNYC. Awesome. And, yes. Now, I'm bragging. Too bad the battery cover's starting to come off.

Suffice it to say that, in person (much like online), I can be a total dork. I don't know that I could handle the one-on-one thing, book-signing thing, as well as Snob had. Put me in front of a crowd, and I can talk for hours, but the other? Uh, yeah. Either way, I'm glad to have had the opportunity, and wish you all the same.

So. About the Fremont Parade..

My computer's telling me I have to shut up now, so I'll be writing an update on the 'nekkidity' tomorrow. I'll update this post with the links back, as soon as I do. Feel free to browse the not-entirely-safe-for-work bad image gallery, if you'd like. Stay tuned.

Until then..

Ride safe. I love you all.

Start Spreadin' the News..

Welcome to Sunday. A day for taking life at a leisurely pace. Whether you’re puttering around the house, roaming around outdoors, working on your yard, working at your job, making love, going to your favorite place of worship, or just staying at home.. uhh.. something else, I wish you a leisurely day.

If you’re finding this page from my comments over at BikeSnobNYC’s blog (buy his book!), I thank you. I’ve been following his writings for years now, and it fascinates me to hear what cycling is like in another town, moreover, in New York City. Yeah, I hate to admit it, but like many people, I’m awed by the Big Apple. I want to take a minute to let you know a few of the things that stand out to me about New York cycling, as opposed to what it’s like here.

But first, I have to give you a little background. I actually lived in upstate New York as a small child, and remember the first time I really ‘saw’ New York, the city. It blew my little mind. It was like I didn’t know what the night sky was, until I had seen it lighted the way that only NYC can.

My next solid memory of a location outside my small neighborhood, though, was of Newark, New Jersey. I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I remember it because it’s my first memory of puking my guts out. And I didn’t just vomit, I threw-up so bad, that it made other members of my family sick too. Since I was so young, I didn’t have any opinions about the state of New Jersey at the time. I can say that I’ve had difficulty keeping an open mind ever since. Not that I’m trying to espouse an opinion common in pop culture, but I’ll just say that I understand.

(It’s important to note that my experiences in the tri-state area were during the American Medieval Period. Mead was still popular then. In fact, I think it was before the invention of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Not that I was allowed to drink either of those beverages as a child, of course. My parents made sure that I was raised on proper Scotch.)

Fast forward to the modern world. A close friend of mine in Seattle was offered a job in Midtown Manhattan that included an all-expenses-paid apartment in Jersey City. Of course, the job eventually ended, and she ended up in a roach-infested unit (do they call it a ‘flat’ there?) in Newark. Sigh. But, I finally had a good excuse to finally get back to New York.

I made the sojourn from Seattle to Newark in 2004. There’s actually a non-stop flight from here, one of the few east coast cities, we can fly to non-stop. I’m not sure how that worked out; I love to fly, but hate the airline industry. To her credit, my friend showed me that it is possible to spend more than a few minutes in Newark without falling ill. This was a big highlight of the trip for me. (I confess, I’m still leery, of it, though.) The other highlight of the trip was getting to just walk Manhattan.

I have to offer a point of reference here, that it was Fourth of July weekend, 2004, and we spent part of a day, watching the newly released (at the time) Michael Moore film, Fahrenheit 911. Say what you want about the director or the film, but I couldn’t go back to my neighborhood in Seattle with its, “Impeach Bush” flyers everywhere, without having seen this film. Everybody saw it that weekend. I gained extra credit for seeing it in Midtown, and on the 4th of July.

So, yeah, we ventured around the city like the kind of tourists that everyone hates. Seattle has a thriving cruise industry, so we get a regular batch of tourists here, too. Our tourists have a ‘season’ though, sort of like deer, in Michigan, but it’s not okay to shoot them. When tourists get realllly annoying, like taking up the entire bike path walking, when the sidewalk is right next to it, I try to breathe deep and remember that they are visiting my city, that I love so much, and that being an asshole to them will not instill my sentiment of appreciation.

By turns, when I was visiting New York, I tried hard (really) to be respectful of the residents, and not just stand in the middle of the sidewalk and gawk. New York is a busy place with lots of stuff going on all the time, that in some cases, I admit, are more important to the US economy than the stuff that I deal with on a regular basis. They have shit to do. But please forgive me, New Yorkers, your city just has a lot of cool and crazy shit to see. It was painfully hard not to stop and stare.

As a cyclist, I made particular note of the cycling conditions, as we were strolling around. I happen to enjoy, what some people call, “Urban Cycling”, and what other people call, “Riding in the Street”. In addition to sites and smells of the city, I was actually looking for riders that might be in the process of commuting to, from, or even during, work. The city is so flat, it made me wonder why anyone had a car at all. And I don’t just mean flat; I mean ff-ff-ff-ff-ff-fflaaaaattt!! It’s like Florida, but with less vegetation, and taller buildings.

But looking around, I was glad that I’m a Seattle Commuter, and that I don’t have to suffer the indignities of riding in New York. First off, the roads (at the time) sucked. There were potholes so cavernous that homeless people had set up makeshift man-caves in some of them. I think I remember a bike lane on one of the streets we cruised, but I also remember it was about as appealing as a filth-laden divebar on the outskirts of town, where only the grittiest folk dared go. To read BikeSnob refer to this as his ‘comfy chair’, a couple years later, made me sad for your city. (Sounds like it’s changing though.)

And. There was yet another terrorist threat in the city this weekend. Why? What’s the point, terrorists? Making a terror threat in New York is like littering. It happens a lot, doesn’t offer your situation any value, and confirms you are a complete douche. But maybe the threat of terror is not an impediment to cycling. Maybe it’s more of another excuse to keep a bike with you at all times.

So that as background, I've always thought of Seattle as New York City's little sister. A little less sophisticated, a little less disciplined, and according to some, a little cuter, too. Seattle has bike lanes in the downtown area, and like any downtown, they get obstructed by rude drivers, impatient delivery vans and poorly constructed scaffolding. But in Seattle, our downtown is not actually very big. It’s hemmed in by water on one side and the freeway on the other. It doesn’t actually take more than about five or ten minutes of riding before you get to one of the several bike paths in the city.

If New York’s bike lanes are like easy chairs, Seattle’s bike paths are like oral sex. Yeah. Our pedestrian paths are used predominantly by other riders, rather than the mixed-use pedestrians for which they were commissioned. I know that I’ve seen a mixed-use pedestrian, and sometimes they can be difficult to navigate around. Further, the routes are typically wide enough to ride two-abreast in two directions, though they’re curvy enough that it’s considered bad form to actually do so.

The only ‘filth’ these biking superhighways generally contain is from the trees. Don’t get me wrong, though. Our trees are rather messy and disrespectful of the cycling community. During the fall and winter rains, when trees fall, it’s either on somebody’s roof, or directly over or the bike trails. They never just fall in the forest unheard. The municipalities always take care this pretty quickly, though. And, they actually maintain the surface integrity of these paths, too.

The one thing Seattle riding is not, is flat. In fact, everything in the region is either a hill or a lake. Fixed-gear bikes, by turns, are not very popular in most of our neighborhoods. (Yet more evidence, that we have to establish our own fashion trends, rather than follow someone else’s. Therefore, we will always be dorks somehow.) As a community, we don’t just map out the safest, most fun, or fastest routes around the area, we also have a tendency to offer up the flattest, as an option as well. Nor do we have an effective transportation system, such that if you have a catastrophic failure, you can’t just pop over to a subway or train system. We have a bus system, but some buses only arrive once an hour or so. We’re still working on that.

Okay, so I’m not trying to say one city is better than the other. I just want to offer up why they’re different. Whether you ride in an easy chair, or enjoy it with virtual oral sex, be sure to get out and have fun.

Like a lot of people, I have stuff I have to do this week. So, I will see you again next weekend.

Ride safe! I love you all.

Digging Holes: When Beauty Isn't Enough

Okay, so I’m officially committing to this Blog thing now. I’m going to actually hit publish too. (I'll find my way around this blogtool, yet.) Woohoo! Like a newborn foal, stretching her legs for the first time, I feel a little unsteady, but one step at a time, as they say. And isn’t there a salt lick somewhere?

Today is the first official day of Bike to Work Month. If you work over the weekend, and rode your bike to work, I commend you. I also thank you for working on the weekend, so I can do stuff on my days off, like shopping, dining out, getting stuff worked on, or just generally doing the things I can not do on my own. You rock.

I expect many people will honor Bike Month, and keep it holy. I’m not particularly religious, but my bike receives the treatment afforded some deities. Over the years, it’s received a small fortune in components, and on occasion, bits of human sacrifice. There are times that small animals, from what I could tell, are so overcome by the majesty of my machine (no, it’s not a Serotta, or even in that class, but I think highly of anything I allow between my legs,) that they even offer themselves as sacrifice. I won’t let my bike accept such offerings.

Also, if you aren’t already aware, BikeSnobNYC’s book ‘dropped’, recently, and you should go buy it. I can’t say if it’s any good or not yet (there's now a review up Amazon that says that it is), but the cover is very nicely done, so you should still go buy it. If his blog is any indication, the book will be time well spent. I’m sure it’s going to be the hot, new cycling accessory this year, other than spoke cards. By the way, the gold tone (is it brown?--I've only seen it online, so far--still waiting for my copy) on the cover is nice, but I’m hoping it eventually comes in other colourways in later printings. That would be sweet.

Anyways, one of the things I love about the ‘sport’ of cycling (I confess, with the way I ride, the word, ‘sport’ is a bit of a stretch,) is that some people actually get paid to do it. The concept of ‘Pro Sports’ in general is a little odd; people get paid to do fun stuff, just so other people can watch. They don’t ‘just do it’ either; they sweat, breathe hard, get excited, and occasionally collapse. Really, professional sport is sort of like porn, but with more clothing. That said,

Yeah, I’m a sports fan.

So this weekend, in a confluence of awesomeness, I got to enjoy a televised bike race on the VS channel. Oh sure, I could’ve just started this whole topic with, “Liege-Bastogne-Liege” was on this weekend, but that doesn’t really capture my feelings about it. First off, I’ve been waiting all season for this race. I’m a huge fan of the word, "liege". I confess, I’m not exactly sure what it means, but it’s somewhere between, ‘dude, you’re totally more awesomer than me,’ and ‘lordship’. Secondly, I was pissed at VS for making me wait a whole week just to find out exactly how Alexander Vinokourov put together his win. The cycling websites that I occasionally pay attention to, or hear about, cyclingnews.com and Velonews.com, had scooped the story when it was still news. Lastly, the footage, as per usual TV coverage of cycling, skipped all the parts of the race that the riders probably enjoyed, and only showed the sections where they were most likely to be dickish to each other. In truth, dickishness is the essence of all reality TV, including sporting events these days.

The big thing about the commentary, though, had little to do with why this is a race that so many pros want to include in their race calendar. As a non-racing cyclist, I’m pretty sure I get it: it has beautiful countrysides, cherry road surfaces (a cherry road surface--smooth pavement, free of potholes--mmm--like fresh powder to a snowboarder,) interesting terrain, and a challenging course to test your soul. Phil Liggett’s and Bob Roll’s comments were a treat, as usual. I never get tired of hearing about how Phillippe Gilbert likes to make ‘cheeky moves’, nor do I ever lose interest in the varying ways that Bob Roll can describe a rider’s “pain box”.

What I did not like is that Jonathan Vaughters was ‘sitting in’ on the commentary in Saturday’s coverage. I actually want to like the guy; he’s in charge of one of the American teams. But, every time I try to get into his train of thought, he comes out with something I absolutely cannot stomach. Okay, yeah. I’m guilty. I’ve made some off-color remarks, and probably will again soon. But what I do does not even compare to one of Vaughter’s remarks today. Scratch that; I can’t even call him by his given name anymore, I’m so disgusted. Today, he’s Captain Douche.

No, that’s not enough. He’s Captain Tampon.

No, that’s too useful. He’s Captain Enema-Face.

No, I’m going to do that. He rides, supports USA Cycling, and busted his ass to get an American team in the Tour de France, so I can call by his actual name. Besides, he dug his own hole, and then climbed into it. Whether you watched it or not, I’ll break it down the way it appeared to me. Here’s how he did it:

Vaughters was speaking to the race tactics and how the course would likely shape-up. In truth, he offered some interesting insights. I’ve never done ‘race recon’ on a European course, and so I wanted to hear his thoughts on this. Then, Liggett started asking him about different riders, both on Garmin and possible team prospects. I wasn’t paying close enough attention to catch who they were discussing, but there’s, apparently, a young European rider Vaughters is interested in signing. He went on to say, that the guy hasn’t signed yet, because he’s concerned that Garmin’s training program is more rigorous than he would prefer. (I’m guessing the kid might be French, or something.) Okay, no big deal.

And then it happened. I couldn’t believe that I had heard it, but I didn’t need to wait for confirmation because it came all too soon.

Jonathan Vaughters actually stated that the pro races are experiencing an “Anglo-Saxonization” that is improving the sport. What? Are you kidding me? Did you just say that with a straight face? One of the things that I find quaint about the Garmin (now Garmin-Transitions) team is their nerdiness. Can’t say why, but there’s something about nerdiness on a hot guy that’s just cute. (Nerdiness in an ugly guy is just unfortunate.) But this, ... this was not nerdy. Since when, did Anglo-centrism become acceptable commentary? What about the rest of Europe, or the rest of the world for that matter? Okay, so the rest of the world is largely unrepresented in professional cycling. And on top of that, are you saying, Mr. Vaughters, that racing shouldn’t be fun?

The biggest reason I like riding my bike is that it’s fun. The reason why I like one of my all-time favorite pros, Mario Cippollini--an Italian, not an American, nor Englishman--is that when he raced, he seemed to actually have fun, too. That’s why this ‘sport’ is awesome. Sure, say what you want about his race ability, integrity, or whatever, but he likes to ride his bike, and I give him credit for that. And he’s strangely hot, but who’s counting.

So then, we get to the point in the race where Vinokourov pulls away from the pack. He ended up working together with professional breakaway artist, Katusha’s Kolobnev, and pulled out a great win. Liggett’s comment: “He’s back from disgrace!” Like during his recent doping suspension, he was really just visiting his inlaws or something.

But then, JV had to jump in. “Well, I have mixed feelings about this. Mixed feelings.” Umm, okay, yeah, your team makes a big deal about racing clean and redemption. One of your best riders was an ex-”doper”, and somehow that’s different? Vinokourov won this same race back in 2005, is famous for dropping both Lance Armstrong and Jan Ullrich in the mountains of France, and has thunder thighs like a speed skater. Yeah, I think he can hang and be clean at the same time. Sure, he’s quirky too, but show me a ‘normal rider’, and I’ll show you someone with some native strangeness. It’s part of the deal.

Though, maybe the doping thing is not what was so upsetting. Maybe it’s the fact that the race finish just shattered his whole ‘Anglo’ idea. The winner of the race was Asian. So, Mr Vaughters, was that it?

Damn, I’m ranting today, and I generally don’t like to make a habit of that. Let’s all take a moment to kick back and enjoy some rainbows and unicorns.


So, this blog is off and running now. I’m not sure if I can be interesting enough to keep it updated every day, but I plan to ‘post up’ on weekends.

Ride Safe. I love you all.

This Just In: Seattle is Ironically Cool

Okay, so here it is. An actual post on my blog, rather commenting something on someone else's. Can you imagine it: a day when I actually post consecutively, rather than years apart. Listening is a skill, I'm still mastering; I expect this writing thing will be something I learn eventually, too.

Back to the subject: Yes, if you got #4 correct on BikeSnobNYC's Quiz today (or not), or if you went to the launch party last night, you already know that Seattle is the host city for the next Single-Speed CycloCross World Championships (Good luck, everyone!) That's cool and all, but that's not what's making us Ironically Cool. I have no idea what cool means anymore, but I do understand that irony is the new sarcasm. I still pretend to get sarcasm.

So here it is, our local cycling club (one of the largest in the nation, I've heard), the one responsible for indoctrination furtherance and education in the region, has taken Ironic Cool to the next level.

Only tech-heavy, dork-friendly Seattle can pull off something so indescribably superlative.

C'mon America. Step up to that. I dare you to bring it.