Rhymes with Alone

Ahh, Sunday. To many, Sunday is a day of atonement. A day to make up for the sins one has committed. To others, it is a day of 'at-one-ment', or communing with one's self, in a posture of sin. In the world of pro cycling, this was a week of accused sin, and eternal suffering. From the introduction of Italian mountains in the Giro, or yesterday's time trial stage at the Tour of California, or even the scandal to which this sport is now accustomed, it's been a punishing weekend to be a cyclist.

If you're not a pro, and celebrated what most of the nation called, Bike to Work Day, this weekend was one of recovering from Friday's commute-stop-induced sugar high. Rest assured, our collective cycling hedonism has not gone unpunished. Here in Seattle, our punishment arrived in the form of a thunderstorm on the way home. Thunderstorms are, otherwise, uncommon here, so it stands to reason that we, cyclists (as is often assumed to be the case--wrongly or rightly,) must have been to blame.

Today, the Giro riders climbed Monte Zoncolan, with an occasional, twenty-two percent grade. The name of this mountain, alone, sounds like level fifteen of some video game featuring some horrible creature dressed in pink, with green-, white- and red-striped, horns. Or maybe the goal is to free this creature from some kind of captivity. (I'm not good with video games. I imagine the conversation goes something like, "Dude, I made it to the Zoncolan today. Totally kicked my ass, too." "Really? You're full of shit; they would never put that thing in.") I'm not sure which sin these racers are atoning for, but my guess is that it has something to do with shaving.

Anyway, I'm not one to make spiritual judgments on anyone. I'll leave that to those that feel they are qualified to do so, which is to say, I have not met that person yet. Nonetheless, I learned, while hanging out in the comments-section of BikeSnob's blog, that Buddhist monks create sand mandalas for the benefit of everyone else's eternal souls. An altruistic act of creation and destruction, similar to those of other faiths. Apparently, this inspired Team Garmin to simultaneously baptize each other, after winning the Team competition in the Tour of Califiornia. I'm not familiar with the faith they practice, and why this was a sin requiring ablution, but bless them, and their and their newly washed souls.

It is in this extended spirit of atonement, that I will be taking next weekend off from posting. I don't know that I've reached the pudding-like gooey tastiness of this blog to deserve a break yet, but it's probably time to act like I have a soul, and scrub it a little cleaner. Like a small business still learning the disciplines required, I venture forward in my quest.

Ride safe. I love you all.

I Raced in the Rain, and All I Got Was This Lousy Shirt

One thing about the American races: The podiums don't offer cool, European sounding jersey names. The Giro has the maglia family; the Tour de France features the maillots, (not to be confused with the Mayo's), and the Vuelta a Espana treasures 'el jersey oro'. Though, what if the races went the other direction. What if, instead of jerseys, we call it like it is. In the major races, the top prizes should be called just 'shirts'. That would make this sport much more accessible to the media-consuming public.

I can imagine the marketing pitch to the various professional teams: "And if you donate half your body weight, three of your team members, four ounces of skin, gallons of testable bodily fluids, and your dignity, you get a shirt!" Oh yeah. That's marketing genius right there.

Much of the coverage in the Tour of California has been 'offline' today. The airplanes sending the race feed are unable to take flight in the heavy rains. And the TOC footage is beamed back via airplane, it seems. The Giro coverage, on the other hand, is lassoed to helicopters.

What I think happens in bike racing is some kind of technical hi-jinx involving motorcycles, and aircraft, such that, the motorcycles following the racers have a guy standing up on the back of the bike, filming the non-motorized bikers, and then by some antenna, they beam up the feed to the aircraft. I'm under the impression that the 'beam' technology is akin to the same sensor and infrared that's used in most TV remotes, and has about the same abilities. This is why the race feed is greatly affected by weather, forestry, cell phones, guitars, cats, dogs, annoying people, and tin foil. In truth, this technology is more effective than many garage door openers, but part of me hopes that the moto-camera guys start investing in iPhones, or something.

Over a half hour into the coverage now, and there's been zero footage of the actual race course, other than some confused, dampened fans and some organizers puttering around a puddly finish line. My heart goes out to Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen; they are having to ad-lib like crazy. It's clear that this mishap has occurred way too early in the week for Versus to have filmed enough of the usually insipid "human interest" stories to fill the space.

I confess, I'm hoping someone will do a piece about how Mark Cavendish combs his back and butt hair into the the coiff he fits under his helmet. Okay, yeah, I don't actually know if he has that ability, but I'm hoping somebody in the peloton does, and that it gets reported. It's my understanding that racers don't, quite, shave everything. And some of what they choose to shave, and what they don't, just confuses me. Please Versus, or Universal Sports, Body hair is an, as yet, (vast?) untapped resource in cycling's .. uhh... landscape.

Oh wait. The race is on! .....Okay, that thirty seconds went quickly. Way to go Brett Lancaster! Giro coverage starts (in my world) in fifteen minutes. Thank goodness for the tape delay.

Universal wasted very little time in introducing the race coverage today. No sooner, had I turned it on, than the race was already 40 miles in. Apparently, it's raining everywhere in the world that isn't Seattle today. We were supposed to see a bunch of rain, but it decided to travel the world like lost luggage. The puddles in Italy are outlandish. Kudos to Astana, for their appropriation of carbon fiber, 'swim' technology.

The Tour of California had an ace in the hole for today's coverage. It's common during a multi-day race for the TV coverage to skimp on some of the race notables that are not part of the actual General Classification. I'm not sure that was the case yesterday, or if I blacked out after the race ended. Whatever the case may be, I seemed to have missed seeing the TOC King of the Mountains winner from yesterday, Paul Mach. Oh yes. He's a Californian, and on one of the American teams, Bissell. Not only that, he's a fellow blogger!

Not satisfied with the, "I was abducted by aliens part way through the race," that many riders experience during slower than expected race times, Mach takes it to the next level. He writes:

• "When did the break get all that time?" and "Where did I lose those 5 seconds?" are a couple questions I ask a lot. Racedata.paulmach.com is a web application I developed to find the answers.

Mr. Mach, you are amazing. Someone who can balance the beauty of numbers with the vicissitudes of racing, while, not making my skull rupture from the expression of data, is a true American hero, in my book. I'm now a fan.

Ride safe. I love you all.

It's Back! Mud is Just Part of Life

(photo edited, so as not to be same as another, better-tasting blog site.)

So, if you noticed any major events last week, you may have noticed that this blog, suddenly went into convulsions, and passed out for a bit. Okay, so it wasn't a major event when you compare it to the continuing efforts in the Middle East, the US Economy, or the Miss USA Pageant, but it was a moderate inconvenience in my world, and that's close enough.

Today, the Tour of California competed against the Giro d'Italia in a television Time Trial of coverage. I same time trial, because the two media outlets televising pro cycling races these days, Versus and Universal Sports, didn't 'roll off' at the same time, the way a standard race does, and they each had to push they're skills to the limits of what they could do for cycling coverage.

Initially, Versus (showing the Tour of California), stumbled right out of the starting gate, when they had two different Phil Liggett audio files (not to be confused with the Phil Liggett audiophile,) playing at the same time, creating a fugue of lilting, British fury. They quickly recovered though, with a return of the 'Epic Cycle' graphics.

Not to be outdone, Universal Sports pulled out all the stops by extending their daily two-hour coverage by a full, extra half-hour with the uncategorized mountain-top finish at the top of Monte Termination, (or something like that, but in Italian.) It turns out that the Giro organizers decided to not categorize any of the mountaintop finishes, to keep them in a shroud of mystery, like when large-busted women wear puffy sweatshirts. (Yes, you can tell that there might be some breasts under it, but is it a nice set of womanliness, or some mutant form of chicken breast? In a sweatshirt, it looks pretty much the same.) And just like hiding in a big sweatshirt, one can guess that the Giro organizers are trying to cover something up. In the case of today's race, the finishing climb edged over 12% grade at one point, putting into what the Tour de France would describe as Hors Categorie, or in English, uncategorized.

Back at the Tour of California, the race profile exposed a largely downhill course. Snooze. The fact that cycling celebrities are choosing to race TOC, rather than the Giro made it a little more interesting. Barring a catastrophic mechanical failure or massive crash, chances of a Mark Cavendish win were pretty good. He did. There was a crash mere feet from the finish line involving Tom Boonen, where he displayed that American roads tear up modern cycling clothing much faster than that of the French. He's tested the crashability of roads all over Europe, so it was easy to predict that he would want to crash-test Cali's, as well, but it seemed he got more than he bargained for.

So, Universal Sports brought the fight to the wheelhouse, and declared the term 'epic' is overused in descriptions of cycling. Ooooh. A direct hit! Rest assured, as the race climbed into final mountain's fog bank, the word 'epic' slipped out like a nipple from a bathing suit. And who doesn't like that.

It was also revealed that, during yesterday's Giro through the Strata Biankay--as Steve Schlanger called it (don't ask me if it's right, nor how to spell it)--or the dirt sections of the race course, Cadel Evans changed his bike from a typical road race bike to the roadie equivalent of a cyclocross bike. Okay, sure so it was kind of a messed up, almost dickish, move of the race organizers to suddenly divert a bunch of pavement-loving road cyclists onto the terra firma, but what's the point of allowing the richer teams to trade equipment before hitting this section? It's sort of like if you're in school taking a test, and halfway through the test, when you get to the essay portion, the guy next to you hands his pen over to James Joyce to finish. Yes, racers are allowed to change equipment during the race due to mechanical failure, and I confess, I don't know the rules on changing equipment for no good reason at all, but this seems like a douchey move, unworthy of the rainbow stripes.

Watching the race slog through the mud, made me pause. It was slogging through the blogtacular mud that made this blog go into the aforementioned convulsions. I'm guessing that it contained a toxic parasite of some kind. Nonetheless, it's back now. Whatever.

But, back to the 'muddy-mudskipper' Giro: this seems fishy to me. It's sort of like letting your bike take a performance enhancing drug. If one guy is allowed to do it, everyone should be allowed to. Heck. There should be a triathlon-like changing station where everyone swaps to a different ride, and the race should be renamed, The Giro d'Italia d'Douche, and the stuffed, plush, soft-drink looking thing they had out at the podium, should be changed to a, ...well...

On a lighter note, the Seattle media reported on a guy that saved a bald eagle on the Columbia River, recently. Say what you want about the way that patriotism has been thrown around in the past decade as some kind of political litmus test of some kind, and the bald eagle seems to symbolize that, but it's not uncommon to see them while on a bike, during the spring and summer months. Sure, it's possible see them in the car, but it's more likely to be, "Hey look! that's a really big bird!". On a bike, when the eagle is searching the surface of Lake Washington for tasty vittles, while you're riding past on Lake Washington Blvd, nearby, it gives a much better perspective on how huge, amazing, and beautiful our national symbol truly is. Here's the rescued eagle, post-release:

(photo courtesy KOMO4-News)

Speaking of lycra-clad sports and weather, the sun and 70-degree weather has reached the typically gray and sedated Seattle weather-schema, meaning summer is essentially here. This means donning that other lycra, sporting gear, the swimsuit, and getting a little wet. If you're interested in a swimming adventure opportunity, schedule a trip to NYC and visit the waterways around Manhattan. I've heard that you can even dip yourself into the wetness that is (as one of the locals calls it,) the Big Skanky. You don't even have to get a hepatitis shot first!

But, no need to start swimming just yet. We are still in Bike Month, and are beginning, now, Bike Week.

Ride Safe. I love you all.

Digging Holes: When Beauty Isn't Enough

Okay, so I’m officially committing to this Blog thing now. I’m going to actually hit publish too. (I'll find my way around this blogtool, yet.) Woohoo! Like a newborn foal, stretching her legs for the first time, I feel a little unsteady, but one step at a time, as they say. And isn’t there a salt lick somewhere?

Today is the first official day of Bike to Work Month. If you work over the weekend, and rode your bike to work, I commend you. I also thank you for working on the weekend, so I can do stuff on my days off, like shopping, dining out, getting stuff worked on, or just generally doing the things I can not do on my own. You rock.

I expect many people will honor Bike Month, and keep it holy. I’m not particularly religious, but my bike receives the treatment afforded some deities. Over the years, it’s received a small fortune in components, and on occasion, bits of human sacrifice. There are times that small animals, from what I could tell, are so overcome by the majesty of my machine (no, it’s not a Serotta, or even in that class, but I think highly of anything I allow between my legs,) that they even offer themselves as sacrifice. I won’t let my bike accept such offerings.

Also, if you aren’t already aware, BikeSnobNYC’s book ‘dropped’, recently, and you should go buy it. I can’t say if it’s any good or not yet (there's now a review up Amazon that says that it is), but the cover is very nicely done, so you should still go buy it. If his blog is any indication, the book will be time well spent. I’m sure it’s going to be the hot, new cycling accessory this year, other than spoke cards. By the way, the gold tone (is it brown?--I've only seen it online, so far--still waiting for my copy) on the cover is nice, but I’m hoping it eventually comes in other colourways in later printings. That would be sweet.

Anyways, one of the things I love about the ‘sport’ of cycling (I confess, with the way I ride, the word, ‘sport’ is a bit of a stretch,) is that some people actually get paid to do it. The concept of ‘Pro Sports’ in general is a little odd; people get paid to do fun stuff, just so other people can watch. They don’t ‘just do it’ either; they sweat, breathe hard, get excited, and occasionally collapse. Really, professional sport is sort of like porn, but with more clothing. That said,

Yeah, I’m a sports fan.

So this weekend, in a confluence of awesomeness, I got to enjoy a televised bike race on the VS channel. Oh sure, I could’ve just started this whole topic with, “Liege-Bastogne-Liege” was on this weekend, but that doesn’t really capture my feelings about it. First off, I’ve been waiting all season for this race. I’m a huge fan of the word, "liege". I confess, I’m not exactly sure what it means, but it’s somewhere between, ‘dude, you’re totally more awesomer than me,’ and ‘lordship’. Secondly, I was pissed at VS for making me wait a whole week just to find out exactly how Alexander Vinokourov put together his win. The cycling websites that I occasionally pay attention to, or hear about, cyclingnews.com and Velonews.com, had scooped the story when it was still news. Lastly, the footage, as per usual TV coverage of cycling, skipped all the parts of the race that the riders probably enjoyed, and only showed the sections where they were most likely to be dickish to each other. In truth, dickishness is the essence of all reality TV, including sporting events these days.

The big thing about the commentary, though, had little to do with why this is a race that so many pros want to include in their race calendar. As a non-racing cyclist, I’m pretty sure I get it: it has beautiful countrysides, cherry road surfaces (a cherry road surface--smooth pavement, free of potholes--mmm--like fresh powder to a snowboarder,) interesting terrain, and a challenging course to test your soul. Phil Liggett’s and Bob Roll’s comments were a treat, as usual. I never get tired of hearing about how Phillippe Gilbert likes to make ‘cheeky moves’, nor do I ever lose interest in the varying ways that Bob Roll can describe a rider’s “pain box”.

What I did not like is that Jonathan Vaughters was ‘sitting in’ on the commentary in Saturday’s coverage. I actually want to like the guy; he’s in charge of one of the American teams. But, every time I try to get into his train of thought, he comes out with something I absolutely cannot stomach. Okay, yeah. I’m guilty. I’ve made some off-color remarks, and probably will again soon. But what I do does not even compare to one of Vaughter’s remarks today. Scratch that; I can’t even call him by his given name anymore, I’m so disgusted. Today, he’s Captain Douche.

No, that’s not enough. He’s Captain Tampon.

No, that’s too useful. He’s Captain Enema-Face.

No, I’m going to do that. He rides, supports USA Cycling, and busted his ass to get an American team in the Tour de France, so I can call by his actual name. Besides, he dug his own hole, and then climbed into it. Whether you watched it or not, I’ll break it down the way it appeared to me. Here’s how he did it:

Vaughters was speaking to the race tactics and how the course would likely shape-up. In truth, he offered some interesting insights. I’ve never done ‘race recon’ on a European course, and so I wanted to hear his thoughts on this. Then, Liggett started asking him about different riders, both on Garmin and possible team prospects. I wasn’t paying close enough attention to catch who they were discussing, but there’s, apparently, a young European rider Vaughters is interested in signing. He went on to say, that the guy hasn’t signed yet, because he’s concerned that Garmin’s training program is more rigorous than he would prefer. (I’m guessing the kid might be French, or something.) Okay, no big deal.

And then it happened. I couldn’t believe that I had heard it, but I didn’t need to wait for confirmation because it came all too soon.

Jonathan Vaughters actually stated that the pro races are experiencing an “Anglo-Saxonization” that is improving the sport. What? Are you kidding me? Did you just say that with a straight face? One of the things that I find quaint about the Garmin (now Garmin-Transitions) team is their nerdiness. Can’t say why, but there’s something about nerdiness on a hot guy that’s just cute. (Nerdiness in an ugly guy is just unfortunate.) But this, ... this was not nerdy. Since when, did Anglo-centrism become acceptable commentary? What about the rest of Europe, or the rest of the world for that matter? Okay, so the rest of the world is largely unrepresented in professional cycling. And on top of that, are you saying, Mr. Vaughters, that racing shouldn’t be fun?

The biggest reason I like riding my bike is that it’s fun. The reason why I like one of my all-time favorite pros, Mario Cippollini--an Italian, not an American, nor Englishman--is that when he raced, he seemed to actually have fun, too. That’s why this ‘sport’ is awesome. Sure, say what you want about his race ability, integrity, or whatever, but he likes to ride his bike, and I give him credit for that. And he’s strangely hot, but who’s counting.

So then, we get to the point in the race where Vinokourov pulls away from the pack. He ended up working together with professional breakaway artist, Katusha’s Kolobnev, and pulled out a great win. Liggett’s comment: “He’s back from disgrace!” Like during his recent doping suspension, he was really just visiting his inlaws or something.

But then, JV had to jump in. “Well, I have mixed feelings about this. Mixed feelings.” Umm, okay, yeah, your team makes a big deal about racing clean and redemption. One of your best riders was an ex-”doper”, and somehow that’s different? Vinokourov won this same race back in 2005, is famous for dropping both Lance Armstrong and Jan Ullrich in the mountains of France, and has thunder thighs like a speed skater. Yeah, I think he can hang and be clean at the same time. Sure, he’s quirky too, but show me a ‘normal rider’, and I’ll show you someone with some native strangeness. It’s part of the deal.

Though, maybe the doping thing is not what was so upsetting. Maybe it’s the fact that the race finish just shattered his whole ‘Anglo’ idea. The winner of the race was Asian. So, Mr Vaughters, was that it?

Damn, I’m ranting today, and I generally don’t like to make a habit of that. Let’s all take a moment to kick back and enjoy some rainbows and unicorns.


So, this blog is off and running now. I’m not sure if I can be interesting enough to keep it updated every day, but I plan to ‘post up’ on weekends.

Ride Safe. I love you all.